This is a sensitive topic and I’m probably going to get responses split down in the middle. But who cares? I’m 30 and I want to lay my cards on the table. No long tings! So, my clock is ticking loud, freakishly loud, rings in my ear like a train horn and I can’t seem to shut it off. Honestly, honestly, honestly, I didn’t expect to be single at 30, but here I am! I really thought I had time. I thought 30 would never get here and even if it did, I wouldn’t care if I was single or not. Age is nothing but a number. There is no rush in life. I have spewed all those lovely clichés us single ladies hold onto for dear life. And yes, it’s all true really, to an extent I’d say though.
Let me ask, if a 65 year old is sick and weak and needs help to get better, do we say ‘come on, think young, what’s the fear, age is nothing but a number!’ No we don’t. Age does matter, and age does have implications, let’s not pretend it doesn’t. The older you get, a lot of things change, physically, mentally, socially, spiritually, and much more. Everything is just on a different scale and rightly so. All other things being equal (one of my favorite phrases from economics) a 40 year old man typically does not have the same endurance or stamina as a 20 year old boy, and a 20 year old boy typically may not have the wisdom and experience and view point of a 40 year old man. There are key differences between people with regard to age, and hence, key implications.
So let’s not kid ourselves, shall we? That clock, that annoying clock does exist and should not be ignored, if your wish is to have a family. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating for desperation, not at all. I always tell friends, if I were truly desperate, I’d be married by now.
I may sound like I’m contradicting myself, but after years of deliberation, I’ve realized I’m not. I’m independent minded, I’m my own person, I have my own principles and beliefs that I don’t bend or change for anyone. I have dreams, and I believe in my future, and I believe in my ability to provide for myself. But despite this ‘independent woman’ ideology, I also believe in partnerships and commitment, for better and for worse. I really don’t see why the two have to be in conflict. I don’t get why a woman who seems to have herself together appears to be some type of man-hater and a woman who loves the concept of marriage and kids is seen as domestic and weak. I truly believe I am both. I won’t rush into something simply because it’s that age, but neither will I pretend I don’t want a partner.
In all honesty, I haven’t always been on both sides of the fence. Years ago I felt I had everything mapped out, and in the scheme of things, I just didn’t see myself having kids till around 34. Eeesh, I know, 34! But hey, I wanted to get a second degree; I wanted to work for at least 5 years un-interrupted in my field; date for 2-3 years before marriage; and then married for at least 3 years without kids. By my calculations, 34 seemed like just about the right time to start having kids. So technically, I’d be with the man for at least 5-6 years before kids. I do think there’s nothing wrong with planning, but I forgot one key ingredient, the man. I figured the second I was ready, he’d show up, ring the door bell and say, ‘Hey, isn’t it time yet? You have six years to go before 34 right, okay, let’s get started!’ Ah, but the man didn’t show up at the right time, and I’m 30 and he still isn’t here. By my former calculations, if I meet him today, will I date him for 3 years, be married for another 3 before having kids? That would make me 36. And at 36 I won’t be dropping babies like flies, could take another 2 years of just trying, pushing me to 38!
I’ve stopped calculating and planning. It’s all useless. But it doesn’t mean I don’t think about where I want to be and when. When I say that to people, the typical response is, ‘don’t think about it, and let it go. It will happen without you even realizing it.’ Darlings, if I completely let it go, I’d be 40 before I know it! I think in everything you do in life, you have to be an active participant.
For the hard core independent women out there, I’m not a sell-out. Trust me, I don’t believe in desperation, I don’t believe in settling for just anything because it’s that time, I don’t believe in losing yourself and the values you hold dear for someone else; and I definitely don’t believe in marriage just for the sake of marriage. But, I also don’t believe in being passive and waiting for that doorbell to ring. It’s not going to ring, not unless you open that door and walk out looking. There is a big difference between desperation and being open to people and different situations. There is a big difference between obsessing about marriage and kids, and recognizing that age really is more than just a number and has implications you can’t ignore. There are extremes to everything; and just as I don’t believe in the extreme of getting a ring at all costs, neither do I believe in pretending 40 is just as easy to start a family as 30.
I intend to be open and receptive to possibilities and people. I won’t be desperate and I wont ‘settle’ but neither will I remain curled up in the sofa, watching 24 and waiting for the doorbell to ring. Ok, rewind, I will never leave my house voluntarily on Monday nights at 9pm when 24 is on, not going to fool myself! But there’s always Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays (only after Smallville and CSI), Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays! Should be enough time, I think….Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.