I’d empty my already handicapped savings account just for the answer to this question. And I would earn that money back ten-fold! Can you imagine how many women, and even men, out there who’d pay to know ‘when it’s time to let go?’ It’s a question I’ve been pondering for years and I still don’t have enough data to draw any concrete conclusions. And not having the answer is pretty hard for me, because I am very opinionated. So I may not have the answer, but I do have some thoughts. Getting over someone is damn hard, harder than dealing with Man U’s ups and downs; harder than watching Heidi and Spencer on the Hills; harder than waking up on Monday morning; harder than enduring traffic, harder than…. okay you know what I mean. It’s just plain hard!
When I was a lot younger, I had pretty clear opinions on when it’s time to walk away. I saw everything in black and white. If he hits you, you promptly, without a minute’s hesitation, dump his stupid idiotic behind. If he cheats, you don’t pause for a second and you walk. Okay you should pause, slap him for good measure (this is very important) and then walk. If he is verbally abusive, you dish out a few choice words to him, and leave. You’re going to have incorrigible teenagers in the future, you really don’t need a rude disrespectful boyfriend or husband on top of that. If he’s emotionally distant and absent, it won’t get better, he won’t love you more later. Just leave.
So that’s how I felt when I was younger. And I never hesitated to let all my girlfriends know. I couldn’t stand their whiny pathetic questions, ‘should I leave, should I stay?’ Are you kidding?! He cheated! What are you waiting for? I was Madame Judgmental. Alright, let me be fair. I am still rather judgmental :).
But, God in his infinite wisdom clipped my high and mighty wings. I became one of those women, the confused, crazy and whiny women. I got played, yes, yes, I did. I think getting played was more a blow to my reputation as ms. ‘it can never happen to me’ than anything else. And worse, I didn’t walk away straight away. I was pathetic for close to two weeks! Urgh, I shudder when I think about it now. I woke up, kicked his ass to the curb and pretended to move on. But to be brutally honest, that was just the beginning of incidents that just threw my whole clear-cut ‘when to walk away’ answers out the window. I have been shamefully pathetic over and over again, more than I care to admit.
We all want to be loved and adored I guess. It’s a darn good feeling isn’t it, when you’re officially attached to someone, even if he’s a complete tool. To be able to say, I have a boyfriend, husband, something or the other, pure bliss. Not all women have titles. I’m not sure which is worse, women who have titles who cling onto a bad thing or the women without the titles who cling onto bad things. I’ve been the latter several times. When you hope beyond reasonable hope that the man who isn’t even yours will treat you better; just so you can get the title and have him treat you worse!
I’ve left guys out of this, but the same applies, although I’d say guys are completely clear on when to walk away. If a girl cheats, the guy would give her a minute to get the details of who (just so he can hunt him down and kill him probably), where, when, etc, and then she’s out. If a girl is verbally or physically abusive, she’d last less than a minute. And she probably doesn’t want to last longer. If you cuss at him or hit him, being thrown out is better than being carried out by EMTs. And if the girl of the moment is emotionally distant, that’s the easiest. Haven’t you heard, ladies? There’s some crazy weird unfair ratio of men to women. Someone else will love him.
So why do guys have it all figured out? Of course there are exceptions to the rule. Some guys would stay for any of the above. That’s fine. It would be a shame if guys were that perfect! But I do think a majority of guys would walk away quickly if any of the above happened because most guys have a strong sense of self worth. Guys have this whole ‘I’m the shit attitude’ which is so strong and innate it’s almost unshakable. Of course some girls do have undeniable self confidence and self esteem, but for some reason that collapses when it comes to guys. Is it just our genetic make up? Beautiful sexy women who just have to bat one eyelid and guys would come swooning are no different from the not so sexy beautiful ones. If appearances, status or success hold no ground, what is it that forces us to cling on for dear life to situations that just aren’t working? Heck if I know.
Ah life, such bliss. I’m back full circle though. Back to where I started from. It’s clear cut again. If he beats the crap out of you, hire a couple of thugs, retaliate, beat him till he’s black and blue and then walk. Okay, let me retract, this is the internet, who knows if I become President one day. So if he beats you, doesn’t matter the intensity, one hit is enough, sedate him with tranquilizers and cut off his fingers one by one. Wow, raised eyebrows, I guess that’s still extreme huh. I’m sorry, it’s all that 24 I’ve been watching. Jack Bauer would actually stuff a towel down his throat and pull it out slowly along with his intestines. But we’ll go the realistic albeit prison free route. Just leave him. If he cheats, and this is tough, really tough, but hey this is my opinion, walk away. If he’s verbally abusive, it’s a starting point for God knows what else, so dish out a few of your own (you won’t get arrested) and leave. If he’s emotionally distant, should be easy, but it usually isn’t, because we want that title or we want to keep it at all costs, but I’d say darn it girl, just leave!
I’ll admit I haven’t said much you don’t know. But it’s nice to keep talking about it, isn’t it? If Obama could win a monumental election by empowering the masses through words, perhaps I can infuse women with the power to walk away! Yes we can! Oh please. The bible says everything happens for a reason. But I’m not sure the reason for this apparent inability to take a simple decision – walk, walk, walk! So, ladies (and the few men), let’s just take it one day at a time, shall we?